mmhmm

exposition on Mere Christianity

2009-06-06T21:57:00.002-04:00

Clearly, it is not often that I resort to making blog post about matters on my mind. I typically prefer talking to people and often do so about different things -- not because I wish to present a different image to each person but because individual interest, experience, and personality affect the propriety of the topic. Additionally, the sheer volume of thought makes it difficult to convey in dialogue form and I need practice my composition skill.

I've recently finished reading Mere Christianity by C. S. Lewis and I must admit, I have been completely swept away by the book. I can sense my internal chorus of objections to endorsing such a work (for subjectivity & personal taste reasons) but I will recommend it anyway. Lewis expounds on the fundamentals of Christian belief with wisdom, wit, and workability in a rare combination that i appreciate. I find the work rife with new and renewed concepts which are reorganizing my beliefs. I usually take my time plodding through non-fiction works but I feel the draw to race through the book as if it were some fictional thriller.

I guess part of the allure of the book is the singular way in which Lewis draws upon analogies that are compatible with my understanding. The foreword quotes one of his sermons in which he says, "There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal...it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, sub, and exploit." Immortal much? Regarding some denominations, he makes to attempt support one over the other. Instead he covers his bases -- not necessarily with the intention of preventing controversy but in the way they were probably meant to be covered.

Finally, Lewis is pretty normal. When I read Tozer, it becomes necessary to re-read multiple times due to the archaic construct of the language and the depth of the material. Conversely, Shane Claiborne strikes me as extremely practical but perhaps lacking the intellectual coolness that I like. Lewis is cool. I need to read more of his work while internalizing and externalizing it. sigh.

2009-03-22T01:17:00.004-04:00

It's been a while. I am incredibly lazy (or hesitant to compose my mind)

I'd rather talk to someone than blog so this means that right now there's noone I can talk to (though there probably is).

I've acquired a new nickname in the last two weeks: Emo Ninja.
I don't understand what it is about me that compels different sets of friends to compare me to a ninja.Perhaps this trait is to be found in my movements or interaction. I'm told that it's a bit difficult to reach me, that I'm a bit evasive - that's true enough. I've never been exceptionally good at this engaging business but that's my theme for the next while. Engaging people...kinda daunting.

Where do the boundaries begin? I also need time to recede into my space - perhaps rather frequently. At the same time, it's already started.

Plans
- be less cynical/pessimistic
- love harder
- run faster/exercise (pretty important too)
- listen better
- truly engage
- and the usual

2008-11-15T14:32:00.002-05:00

I've recently begun to realize that people kind of look up to me. As a third year student, I've entered into the second half of my university career and now qualify to be among the aged/responsible older bunch of people within my fellowship.

During first year I distinctly remember dividing people into different categories based on their university year -- initially at least. The second year students were barely older than me so I treated them as such. As for the older ones, their presence almost seemed to carry more weight. I listened more when they spoke and generally expected them to be more spiritually mature. It's really weird, I even recall Johnson mentioning this flaw of the Chinese Christian community around a year and a half ago. Regardless, that's slightly besides the point.

Most of the CCF people (and therefore most of the university people) that I interact with on a non-academic basis are around my age. My handful of closer friends are mostly older than me, if just by a few months. Skipping to the point...I guess I'm now going to make a conscious effort to connect with more people, especially those young'uns. I'm not sure where I'll find the time or effort to do so but I believe it's important. I guess we'll see how that goes.

P.S. It's funny how your perception of a person changes depending on their name or program.

sched20089

2008-10-20T22:08:00.002-04:00

gratitude and thunderstorms

2008-05-31T00:20:00.002-04:00

I've just listened to a song called Gratitude by Nichole Nordeman, recommended by steveo. http://youtube.com/watch?v=waYUzxK8TYA
The words are meaningful and the feel is generally appropriate. Additionally, I love harmonizing which this song...sounds rich. However, I question the decision at the end to raise the key for the final instance of the chorus.

Anyway, today I was talking with a friend on msn who lives downtown and we were checking out how long it takes the sound of thunder to travel the 17 km from downtown to me so we'd type "NOW" when we heard thunder. pretty random haha =P

2008-05-05T17:20:00.000-04:00

These days I can feel myself growing.

2008-05-01T01:30:00.004-04:00

semi-conscious

It is the dilemma with which students are faced
to select between the certainty of one's exam
and the sweet freedom of summer.

Whether an early portion of the ambrosia called absolution
is preferable to the precious minutes to confirm
or perhaps, write one's answer.

To tarry or to depart...or to depart...to depart.

2008-04-07T01:23:00.001-04:00

All my friends are uniquely unique...and mostly unlike me.

2008-03-29T02:08:00.002-04:00

it's been a while and so much has occurred in the interval. I've been baptized at TCBC and elected as secretary-treasurer for CCF next year and I'm beginning to further understand the weight and responsibility of such a role. I was so apprehensive before giving my speech but prayer calms things down a lot. And it turns out that the people you know best are the ones for whom it is difficult to decide whether or not to cast your vote for them.

*****************

People often think that what they believe is right unless otherwise proven. I don't find this to be a bad thing. It's merely indicative of the limited knowledge of humans and our search to find truth. The only difficulty is when one believes that different ideas are an end in themselves and there is no final objective goal of the search.

*****************

One day, as I was wearing my scarf, the weather turned slightly warmer as the snowflakes were falling and we essentially had wet flurries. It is a very foreign concept...that of scarves in thunderstorms. I don't know why I find the imagery so captivating--even more than that of a scarf during summer.

*****************

Holy, holy holy are you Lord God Almighty, who wert and art and evermore shalt be.

*****************

2008-02-23T02:17:00.003-05:00

A few days have elapsed since the utccf winter retreat ended but I am still left reflecting on the many messages and occurrences. Although the three days were meant to be a break from the busyness and stressfulness of school, being on the worship team was quite flustering but I loved doing it. The song lists for musical worship sessions were often created only an hour beforehand so at every moment, leaving us little time to practice each song. In retrospect, this experience has taught me more about what being a worship leader entails. However, I do regret the resultant reduced time in fellowship with others due to the practice sessions.

And there are many many other things to be said about this retreat...

Be tempered by grace
count both costs
integrity

2008-02-10T23:54:00.000-05:00

There I was, really bored, trying to do everything but work on my lab report. Hoping to distract myself I randomly type in "I" into Google and one of the results is a nerd quiz which apparently measures your nerdiness. The questions were pretty straightforward to answer then there appears this question - "How many good friends do you have?" For some reason I find this question difficult to answer.

Since coming into university I've been blessed with a richness of friendship. From engsci friends to artsci and everything in between...including commerce. Quite a bit of it is probably due to the propinquity effect - the tendency of people who are often in proximity to each other to develop relationships. A few months ago I seriously disliked this concept but now I have no issue with it unless it's the only thing supporting a friendship but returning to the issue at hand...what is a good friend?

After a little thought I've come up with a few ideas. A good friend is...a lasting friend (great.. I just fell asleep for 4 hours while working on my lab report and it's 4am now). But continuing on, a good friend is lasting, a good friend probably doesn't have that "novelty" which eventually runs out. Hm...to be continued

2008-01-28T00:38:00.001-05:00

At this moment in time, if I had a superpower, I'd wish that I could freeze time so I could take a nap...It's pretty bad.

2008-01-26T00:08:00.000-05:00

Lessons of the day:

1. The stairwells of Bahen are an excellent place for silence.
2. The Law exists not to let us know what to do in order to be worthy, but to show us how we fall short.
3. Joseph Prince has a funny accent and isn't half bad.
4. I need more practice standing and singing.
5. Unlike my face, my ears can flush red and betray what I feel =P...or maybe it's just the cold.

2008-01-13T02:47:00.000-05:00

Acts 17:28a
For in Him we live and move and have our being.

...pretty cool eh?

2008-01-07T22:34:00.000-05:00

20081 schedule

	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday
9:00		CONFLICT ESC202H1* 9:00-12:00 ESC202H1* 10:00-12:00	PHY291H1 S LEC 0101 9:00-10:00 MP 203	PHY291H1 S LEC 0101 9:00-10:00 MP 203
10:00			STA286H1 S LEC 0101 10:00-11:00 BA 1180	BME210H1 S TUT 0102 10:00-11:00 BA 3008
11:00	AER201H1 S LEC 0101 11:00-12:00 MS 2158		CONFLICT CHE218H1 11:00-12:00 PHY292H1 11:00-12:00	ESC202H1 S LEC 0101 11:00-12:00 MB 128	BME210H1 S LEC 0101 11:00-12:00 MB 128
12:00	BME210H1 S LEC 0101 12:00-1:00 MB 128	CONFLICT CHE218H1 12:00-1:00 PHY292H1 12:00-1:00			PHY291H1 S LEC 0101 12:00-1:00 MP 203
1:00		AER201H1 S PRA 0102 1:00-6:00 SF 4003/SF 4102/SF 4103		CONFLICT CHE218H1 1:00-2:00 PHY292H1 1:00-2:00	STA286H1 S LEC 0101 1:00-2:00 WB 116
2:00	STA286H1 S TUT 0104 2:00-3:00 BA 2159			PHY291H1 S TUT 0103 2:00-3:00 HA 401	AER201H1 S PRA 0102 2:00-6:00 SF 4103
3:00	CONFLICT CHE218H1 3:00-4:00 PHY292H1 3:00-4:00			BME210H1 S LEC 0101 3:00-4:00 WB 116
4:00
5:00
6:00				ANT100Y1 Y LEC 5101 6:00-8:00 CH ---
7:00				ANT100Y1 Y LEC 5101 6:00-8:00 CH ---

2007-12-30T01:53:00.000-05:00

and I think I love my friends fiercely. But think is too weak. I do love my friends fiercely.

2007-12-27T10:33:00.000-05:00

some of the kids younger than me amaze me. Two years isn't such a huge gap but even so...

2007-12-12T18:58:00.001-05:00

Christmas schedule as planned so far

December
21 last exam day/ The Party for December
22 crazy awesome prayer meeting
23 exam recovery
24 DEEP skating & Christmas Dinner
25 A different type of Christmas Celebration and gate-crashing
26 Boxing day shopping
27 Worship small group christmas party
28
29 house crashing again
30 karin movie/shopping
31
January
1
2 Rebecca's forced gathering?
3 155 goodbye thing at noon & karin/georgio
4 PCA ppl goodbye dinner
5
6

2007-11-20T00:24:00.000-05:00

One of the many verses that perpetually emerge in my mind:

1 John 3:18
Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.

Maybe it's the imagery.

2007-11-15T01:33:00.000-05:00

full of earth and dirt.

So last Friday, I realized more than before how imperfect I am. In all things. In consistency, in friendships, in patience, in love. And at this moment I realize it again. I have less control over my actions than I previously believed and I definitely am not some manner of automaton which does exactly what it's supposed to do.

and You.

2007-10-24T20:52:00.000-04:00

alright so this is weird. Today, I forgot how to multiply two digit numbers. I was struggling really hard to mentally calculate 19*19 and tried carrying over and all sorts of weird things but they didn't work. sigh. It was kinda awkward til I finally remembered what they taught me in gr 2.

2007-10-09T00:43:00.000-04:00

Be cautious when requesting a task of me...because, I may actually do it.

2007-10-07T00:56:00.000-04:00

Words.

It's been a long first month of school and I'm glad for this long weekend. I've learned much in these four weeks but I'll only speak of a few lest my overdrawn words begin to sound contrived.

The commuter lifestyle has been rather taxing on my rest. It has been a rough transition from setting off 10 minutes after class starts--in extreme circumstances, of course--to worrying if, by leaving home at 7:40, I'd make it in time for a 9am class. But like jetlag and other temporal adversaries to sleep, I've begun to adapt to retiring before midnight and arising near daybreak.

On new faces and old faces.
My inference on new faces is that they are quite flexible. Neither party knows much about the other so impressions are continually been created, modified, and destroyed. Simultaneously, however, this causes a lack of stability in friendship. The opposite is true of old faces. All impressions are set in stone. Granted, there exists possiblity that something unexpected will turn up but even if this was the case, the overall perceived aura of a person does not change so easily. But at this point, I've deviated from my intended subject.

On intended subjects.
dt/ds > 0 and so time is always* moving forward.
I remember back to gr 11 and 12 when graduation seemed so imminent and life seemed so urgent. Although I haven't been at university for a while, this urgency has once again descended on me primarily because I know people who will graduate this year. It is difficult to imagine what's beyond university as it was difficult to imagine what was beyond highschool. It seems like university is the final stepping stone to the real world, as it were. Beyond this, paths diverge, once again. Perhaps that is why I wish to slow down these moments at hand. Time is the great mover of all things. But only the immortal. need not fear it. But I...who will exist in eternity am immortal and have no need to fear time. It only exists as an alarm clock which ticks away the hours til morning then, its task accomplished, will be no more.*

And now to end the delirious ramblings of blurry mind.

2007-09-06T23:22:00.000-04:00

alright. So hugging people is one of the most awkward things in the world.

Edit
Correction: Hugging people can be one of the the most awkward things in the world.

2007-09-04T01:44:00.000-04:00

I'm quite fond of ccf people. Their very lives and actions encourage me and are what initially drew me to ccf. And I very much wish to become like that.
And yet everyone's so different. Some speak word of such weight and impact that I find them daunting. Others are incredibly friendly, perfect for hospitality, never neglecting anyone new. Still others have the diminished quieter sort of friendship which I truly appreciate.
I suppose that this sort of atmosphere is retained in other Christian groups on this planet but ccf is my corner into it.

ill-composed

2007-08-16T22:30:00.000-04:00

I. am ill-composed. Thoughts only seem to flow well before they are enunciated and I truly dislike the aftertaste of the realization that I haven't done something well.

Today I was to give a presentation of my frosh experience and I did make preparation notes but I was somehow filled with apprehension before the actual thing and I ended up losing my flow of thought multiple times and sigh. I guess this is another lesson in fallibility

...and grace

2007-07-25T03:37:00.001-04:00

It's strange how we grow up.

supercats

2007-07-24T04:02:00.000-04:00

The cheetah "has the ability to accelerate from 0 to 110 kilometres per hour, faster than most supercars". Yo, that is crazzyy.

fully known?

2007-07-19T01:57:00.000-04:00

so today at ccf we were reading the love chapter...you know...1 Cor. 13 and I found the verse Mrs Lorimer (HSteacher) talked about in English when were analyzing The Great Divorce: 1 Cor 13:12.
And I'm still trying to figure out why I don't like being read/predictable which is why explaining myself takes effort.

stray thought

2007-06-20T02:47:00.000-04:00

So I was thinking: Wouldn't it be great to have a friend like me?

(That way we'd always understand each other and not make premature assumptions about random comments and what they may possibly be insinuating =P)

PS. my apologies if you don't get it. I should've been more clear

2007-05-26T01:40:00.001-04:00

Alright. I guess I shouldn't defer this post any further. So it's been a semi-hectic summer so far though I still haven't begun work yet--from camping to school visits to bowling to anime north and all the interpolated events that I neglected to mention.

I've realized that I have a penchant for including few details while blogging so I've decided to put in more effort to mention these when I deem it appropriate.

Today was all about guitar shopping and anime north. It's kinda hard when stuff gets overbooked. I don't know why I find it so difficult to blog. Maybe it comes from being forced to sit down in one setting and think of things to say but perhaps it's just easier to think and mention fragments while expecting others to fill in the gaps...which almost never happens.

2007-05-10T04:08:00.000-04:00

mm...I'm working on what I should have done over the last two weeks but here I am listening to See the Morning.

Glory in the highest
Glory in the highest
Glory in the highest

...to You, Lord.

2007-04-26T03:16:00.000-04:00

Alright. So its 4/6 exams left and the middle two have been especially difficult... I remember back to last semester when I said that the calc exam was the worst one ever but it feels like thermo is the new winner.

Ah, the imminent days of glorious summer. They stir the very air with hope unbridled by the burden of these written trials.

Only biology and electrical remain-2 topics within my potential comprehension. Strangely, the summer seems quite secure.

2007-04-13T11:31:00.001-04:00

scary... so yesterday I found out that my mom had recently been involved in a car collision and is thankfully alright. Apparently, the brake failed to engage. It's one of those thing I only ever imagine in movies. I guess that's why they include tips on what to do when your car brakes stop working.

dauntless.

2007-04-08T16:38:00.001-04:00

argh.

2007-04-03T21:09:00.000-04:00

Only in engsci can you find students running to class to get front row seats.

...correct me if I'm wrong.

2007-03-30T02:43:00.000-04:00

a bit of incoherence.

Wouldn't it be great to be a mystery. You know-- To be the traveling stranger that visits once in a while and leaves for nowhere...to have hidden abilities/powers...to extend beyond any profile...(kinda like Tezuka). What if you had a fully controllable mind...the kind where you hold full command of every habit, every action, every thought. And how does the mind regulate itself? And why do we tend to think in words? And how do memories appear spontaneously. And why is it difficult to think in parallel. blah.

2007-03-13T02:08:00.000-04:00

a phantom moment:

Think of Me excerpt.

Recall those days,
look back on all those times,
think of the things
we'll never do...
there will never be a day when
I won't think of you

We never said
our love was evergreen
or as unchanging as the sea...
but please promise me,
that sometimes
you will think of me

~.~.~.~.~.~.~

I would have included all the lyrics but noone would have read them entirely.
Why do I love Phantom of the Opera so much? Maybe it's one of my school gr. 6/7 violin learning moments. My music teacher had us play it and I sucked at it =P. I don't know how enchantment emerges from that but it did.

2007-03-02T03:18:00.000-05:00

storm.

okay. So its 3 in the morning and I just got back from the library after attempting to study for my electrical test tomorrow. And it's an incredibly crazy outside. As I made the 1 minute walk to back to innis, I was literally pushed by the wind on the icy sidewalk. It was pretty disconcerting that the wind would be strong enough to push me on the ice. The trees were encased in a layer of ice and the branches rattled audibly they shook in the wind. I guess it wasn't really safe...a (small) piece of ice cracked off and hit me on the head. Halfway through the walk I saw an ice-covered branch which had broken off the tree. Needless to say, any vestiges of fatigue within me died in that minute. I was...pretty cool, in short.

Today we had a face-stinging blizzard and UT actually canceled classes at 5pm. (apparently class cancellations are an extremely rare occurrence here) Sadly, my 7 hour day ended at 5pm so I received none of the benefits whatsoever. I still secretly hope that classes will be canceled tomorrow so I won't have to write my midterms but the chances of that are diminishing. It's weird. I had a spontaneous urge to make a cheesy calc joke but luckily for the reader, I resisted it. I wonder what else eng. sci. is doing to me. But alas, I must get my 4.5 hours of sleep for the night. There's so much on my mind, mostly good, and this single blog post could not possibly begin to contain it all--nor do I wish it to.

And to all a good night.

2007-02-23T23:40:00.000-05:00

Today, for the second time in my life, I'm placed into the same situation and I still have no answers. I have no idea what's wrong with me--why I need more time to think than most people, why I can't respond properly, why I can't think of anything to say. I wish I could do something more than pray. This is one of those Romans 8:26 moments.

2007-02-21T23:27:00.000-05:00

Happy Chinese New year (Hi Edwin of you read this)

Right now its journaling/quiet time and I'm at the UTCCF retreat at Fair Havens which-by the way-is huge. It's somewhat reminiscent of the PCA retreats except that it's optional so all the people who are here want to be here. The accommodations aren't what I'm typically used to. The rooms are pretty small. There's a bunk bed (small mattress on top, large on bottom) and another bed 3 feet away. There's a bit of floor space here. Including me, there are five people in my room and a limited number of beds...kinda like the grad trip but with smaller rooms. The girls, of course, have nicer rooms.

tangent.

I don't know...I'm on the worship team at VCF this year. If not for that I would have probably gone to CCF this year and become more involved there. Okay, so maybe it's the PCA factor kicking in. But regardless, it feels like CCF is more active and CCF and from the first meetings I attended, the people felt so welcoming. hm.. And maybe its also because I don't see VCF people anywhere other than at large group meetings and worship team practices but I see CCF people at class, res, church...
At any rate, I can't decide.

Everlasting because You are everlasting.
Neverending because You are neverending.

I'm rather incoherent. I kinda wish I had facebook.

ds stories

2007-01-23T00:35:00.000-05:00

So at about 11:45 I went to Whitney Hall to sign vw's b-day card because it's his birthday today. And I guess we were just waiting around for midnight. Then we went to his room for the happy-birthdayness. Then to my surprise/dismay, they also gave me a belated gift for my b-day...and it turned out to be a Nintendo DS. And that gift was quite unwarranted. I was...and still am stunned by it. I guess..I don't know. I managed to thank them somehow although I felt like silence. sigh. I sigh too much. Especially when there are no words to be said. sigh. And I don't even know a lot of them well. Well I definitely know Victor and I know Karen A. and Andrew but... okay too many words already.

2007-01-22T14:00:00.000-05:00

...for reference

2007-01-14T02:13:00.000-05:00

so I've never had 2 cakes for my b-day before. Today, I had a countdown, a yum cha, a "surprise" b-day party which I half knew about, and 2 cakes. Sharades, cramped rooms, etc. And a 1000 piece puzzle takes hours to do...even when you have 8 people working on it.

2007-01-13T02:43:00.000-05:00

Okay so the first week of the 2nd semester is over and now I know more about what I'll have to deal with. And we also got marks back...skip.

Today I went to UTCCF (University of Toronto Chinese Christian Fellowship) for once in a long while, of which Mike Lau is the chair and it was pretty cool. I already knew some of the people from other stuff like innis, engsci, TCBC, etc. I don't know why but for some reason I'm more used to it than VCF...must be pca's asian influence but anyway. And we went to Kowloon, a Chinese restaurant downtown as utccf usually does after their main meeting.

And here lies the problem.
Part I. It feels like the more people I know, the harder it is to keep track of them. I have a hard enough time with names. And this one of the true reasons why I don't get facebook.

Part II. It's somewhat difficult to make this kind of call but sometimes it seems like I just tolerate people rather than caring but I do try.

Part III. My resolve alone isn't enough to do many things -- the least of which is waking up early.

Part IV. And I still have trouble praying aloud.

wishes. better.
Happy b-day Orlando Bloom.

2007-01-04T23:53:00.000-05:00

/*
Concerning current affairs:

I really hope it's cold tomorrow and that it doesn't rain. Because I'm going skating tomorrow and it's one of the last few fun things I get to do before the second semester starts. This winter has been alarmingly warm and I haven't exactly found out why. Maybe it's global warming. And within the past few weeks I've learned that methane gas produced by livestock accounts for more greenhouse gasses than cars. In short, cow flatulence is polluting our atmosphere. This is not to say that cars aren't harmful at all but even so...
reference: http://www.un.org/apps/news/story.asp?NewsID=20772&Cr=global&Cr1=warming
There's my reference so now it must be true.
*/

/*
Concerning Chistmas holidays.

It's been a really busy two weeks. By far, the thing I've done most is eat. I've been to four buffets for family dinners and some restaurants and some food courts. And although there's a list of things I've done that I wanted to do, there's also a list of things that I wanted to do that haven't been done. (That was a really badly written sentence.) But anyway. A few days left. A lot of things to begin doing and others to do more often. inori. Til we meet again.
*/

2006-12-20T00:37:00.000-05:00

So here I am with exams finished since last week with nothing to do..except Praxis. I have a course called praxis which is divided into 3 parts: labs, engineering writing and the bridge design part. And I seem to be doing everything in my power to avoid working on it, blogging included. So its due on Thursday at 5 and there isn't much time left and very few engsci's actually like this course. And Mike, my suitemate, just asked me what my blog url is so hi mike if/when I actually give it to you.

And the plan now is to create a superlong playlist of energetic songs to keep me going for the next few hours.

2006-12-17T08:41:00.000-05:00

10 reasons to not get facebook

It's time-consuming
sometimes it’s tedious
G said so
I don’t need it
They have a lacking privacy policy, making info unsafe
I don’t want to get it just because everyone else has it.
I don’t want to get facebook this way.
I have a blog
I already said I won’t
I’ll get it later…in my own time.

2006-12-03T00:30:00.000-05:00

Everlasting—Your light will shine when all else fades,
Never-ending—Your glory goes beyond all fame

2006-11-11T22:55:00.000-05:00

okay. There's so much to blog about, it's incredible.

I finally got my calculus exam back. The average in my tutorial was 55 and the engsci average was around 59 and all I can say is that I should've failed and I kinda got mad at myself yet relieved that i passed. I can safely say that this calculus midterm was the worst exam i've ever written in my life. I won't say difficult because I could've prepared better.

I think now I'm pretty sure of one reason why I'm staying in engsci. I guess I hope that it will actually help me develop something that will last throughout life...some sort of organizational/time management/stress management skill. Its incredible how many things there are to do. I guess I half-expected it and still chose this program. And back a few weeks I also saw the gr 12 chem/bio class as they went to gerstein library for their isp research. kinda reminiscent. But anyway, I'll be soo glad when the semester is over.

I remember the first few weeks of university and how difficult it was to remember names. I'm horrible at that but somehow I now know most of them. Okay, my suitemates are mike a., charlie, and jackie, all in engsci too. I think they're pretty decent..meaning better than many I've seen. As I type this, I can hear people playing smash melee inside the common area of my suite (yeah, there's a tv here). I think Innis is a pretty good res, except that sound travels so easily around here.

And about facebook. First I don't have time to delve into it. Second, we had a funny warning about facebook and how "Future employers may not employ you because they've seen a picture of you drunk on facebook". I don't know why I mentioned this now. And finally, I have a list of people who have to get facebook before I do and there's a slim chance that they'll all get it.

And now I will return to programming before the night gets too deep.

schedule

2006-08-26T23:15:00.000-04:00

They say its suicide and I'm starting to believe them.

2006-08-12T15:09:00.000-04:00

and Finally, i've finished cOmputer prep. i tHink that in that 2 week couRse, i've learned more than everything from python put together. we had to program in c language which Is quite different from python and likeLy harder to use. debugging is quite anNoying, especially when i forget that i'm working with c and use python code. after 6 weeks doing Summer programs at ut 'm pretty sure i know my way around campus.

and its pretty difficult to read secret messages if don't find the right letters

2006-07-24T18:56:00.000-04:00

Today was quite hectic. I'm in civ for design week at deep and we made toilet paper supports and ugly skewer/marshmallow domes and an awesome massive newspaper roll/tape geodesic dome and we crammed 15 people inside. yeah...including me =P. Unlike most of them though, I had decent space and breathing room. Someone took pictures but I'm not sure if I can get them.

And in athletics club I totally died in soccer. It was more draining than frisbee/ultimate/handball/dodgeball. In the middle of the game some guy headed in my direction and sliped in the mud and splashed some on me. Then later on I slipped on my own, luckily in a much less muddy area. It's the most dirty I've been in quite a while. On Thursday there's a water fight so that's gonna be crazier but less tiring

stars

2006-07-15T01:09:00.000-04:00

I haven't seen stars for a while now. If I remember correctly, one during the Europe trip we came back late and the sky was flooded with stars. I guess they're still up there. I'm becoming increasingly lazy in making posts. Maybe one day I'll be more verbally inclined.

2006-06-23T02:55:00.000-04:00

things (I want) to do:

. cleanup
. compensate
. drive
. eat
. movies
. game
. get rid of bad habits if they exist
. grow
. hang
. learn to cook better
. learn to like veggies
. mailing list
. new blogskin
. phone. practice music x 4
. prep
. read
. remember things better
. shopping.
. sleep.
. squash
. talk less, think more...maybe
. travel

Did you know it takes 12 minutes to hardboil an egg nicely? or so I hear.
I'll never understand people who poach eggs. I'd rather not have my egg poured into water.
I don't like whipped cream although others do. It feels like puffy fat.

John Mayer - My Stupid Mouth has got me in trouble, I said too much again//
//I'm never speaking up again/it only hurts me
I'd rather be a mystery/than she desert me.
I'm never speaking up again...starting now.

clean and acousticy, like i like it.

ps. I just like the song

2006-06-11T11:33:00.000-04:00

Since when were tears shameful?

I got a residence acceptance to Innis college which I find surprising. Innis has apartment-style rooms, 4-5 ppl each w/ a single room in each 'apartment' which is what I wanted. But there's no mealplan so I'll either have to become a decent cook or walk to another residence each day to eat or hoard cup noodles.
There's a suitemate preference form I have to fill out with cleanliness, noise, studying, etc preferences. Since I know noone rooming in Innis it feels like I'm going there on my own - which I am. But its alright, I think. I hope my suitemates are decent. If they aren't, maybe I'll hole up in my room or return only to sleep but its not up to me. All I can do now is sigh and get back to exam prep. well and pray of course but thats given.

2006-06-05T17:09:00.000-04:00

come back to life, blog.

on names.

2006-04-17T21:08:00.000-04:00

[mood] mellow.

I find that hearing my name pronounced with reference to someone else is a peculiar experience.

Somehow it seems strange that someone else should have my name. I fully realize that there are a limited number of names in the world but there seem to be so many people in pca with my name--although there has never been a duplicate in my grade.

No, I'm not being egocentric but nevertheless, the sound of my own first name is...unsettling? no. The "elllll" part is the weird part of it.
hm.

At least I have an uncopyable full name with english(kinda), nigerian, chinese.

winter

2006-04-06T02:01:00.000-04:00

Cause when it's always winter but never Christmas
Sometimes it feels like You're not with us
But deep inside our hearts we know
That You are here and we will not lose hope.

commentary

2006-03-24T21:36:00.000-05:00

[mood] [mostly] content. (I wanted to use a smiling one)

I Will Follow You Into the Dark - DCFC
If heaven and hell decide that they both are satsified
Illuminate the "NO"'s on the vacancy signs
If there's noone beside you when your soul embarks
Then I will follow you into the dark.

not. sweet but a bit depressing. Besides, heaven will never be satisfied...neither will hell..anyway, next song.

03 heaven - insert chinese
mandarin song by iforgothisname. pretty good. now only if I could understand it.

The Gift - Aselin Debison
I disagree. This is NOT the best Christmas song though it is more cheerful than the Charlie Brown one. "me I want a huuula hoop" chipmunks are the best.

Link - L'Arc~en~Ciel
fma movie opening theme. The band has a pretty cool name. By that I mean the "~" part.

Always Have, Always Will - Avalon
reminiscent of grade 8 Ottawa Trip. I can still rmb most of the sign language. Its funny how when you search your memory, you can find the most random phrases. I rmb something about the "run back to you part" when we were practicing but it doesn't really fit here.

Yuki No Hana - Mika Nakashima
There's a korean version by a guy and japanese version by an unguy. The japanese one sounds best...such a dreamy song..snow petals..

2006-03-10T22:27:00.000-05:00

I went to a buffet today and its pretty scary how (chinese) people act around food they really want, in this case lobster. There were seven people crowding around one thing and using tongs madly, grabbing etc. Its like a feeding frenzy. And the lobster wasn't even good. It wasn't "bouncy", neither was the crab. But the chicken wings were good.

2006-03-08T22:46:00.000-05:00

let me
love like You love
and not be an idiot
and be a friend like You.

spongebob

2006-02-12T20:13:00.000-05:00

ayu - dearest

you know. i think I absorb whatever's around me. If its stressed then I get stressed and if its depressing then I get depressed but thats only true part of the time. Yes, there's a ton of work to do. And the last time we had this much work, it was only for the isp checkups; now its for the real thing. And I start watching anime more when I get stressed *sigh. I've been sighing a lot lately and I'm listening to my fav inu song.

Ok, I've decided. I'm gonna unblur cuz I have nothing to blur about. And if you don't know what blur is, go with the literal definition.

elroy berdahl

2006-02-01T00:27:00.000-05:00

So I find Elroy Berdahl highly fascinating, even moreso than the narrator. He compresses vast amounts of thought into cryptic packages of language and he seems to know things already although he asks no questions. And he's enigmatic and it's virtually impossible to understand or infer about the thoughts generated by his mind. Additionally, on the boat, while the narrator cries profusely, Elroy merely continues fishing and pretends nothing was happening..."fish aren't biting". On a side note, eng would be ok with...if it wasn't for marks and if the horrible things known as essays didn't exist. weird..i used quotes in this..

Regardless. But I guess all these attributes are what kinda make Elroy inhuman. But...the narrator is so...blurry. hm. I don't know which is better/worse but..it's interesting

eng

2006-01-23T17:04:00.000-05:00

wow...eng..

bday day

2006-01-13T17:16:00.000-05:00

so today's my b-day. and for those asking, i'm 17. And every b-day after school (if its on a school day) I go to the loblaws at bayview village and get a cake and whatnot. The prob is always that the cakes are too big and many are rich in mousse (which I don't especially dislike but I don't really like it at the same time). And I don't like storing the cake to eat later. It becomes cumbersome to continually eat it with the intention of eventually finishing it. So I decided to temporary get an angel food cake and buy the cake later. But when I got home and tasted the cake, it felt less like cake and more like suger loaded candy. Not very good..for a cake.

And I got happy b-day sung 3 times in school that I can rmb + my mom sang it over the phone =P. Gifts so far include (but are not limited to) Loncrane Bronxton The Ultimate Crazy Maze, lunch, first edition autographed (used) 504 band member guitar pick, ugly tasting angel food cake, and $. haha thanx. But its too bad exams are in a week.

2005-12-21T22:37:00.000-05:00

within the last 2.5 weeks I got 4 cds but I have yet to listen to three of them. So there's this song called In Like a Lion (Always Winter) by...you know...yeah. But that's beside the point.

I don't know how to buy gifts.

Actually today there's no hwk for once and I'm left to do whatever I want. Christmas concert today. uh. I can't think of anything to say now. ok..I guess I'll go back to traumend and cgs.

On a lighter note, I'm starting to think that I'm smarter than my cellphone.

2005-12-03T18:20:00.000-05:00

Today I took the TTC to the Toronto Reference Library @ bloor and yonge and when I was the Sheppard-Yonge, out of nowhere, someone taps me and its...yonsoo. Yeah that was kinda really unexpected especially when I planned to seriously work on all the blahhh isps and assignments. I ended up doing no work from sheppard to bloor.

And I was trying to get her to help me w/ calc haha. Then she had this HUGE package thing for some biology lab. kinda imposing. But then bloor came and luckily (seriously) i got her cell number. So I went to the TRL, went upstairs, opened my bag and...her bio lab was still there and I was like...uhoh. And if I didn't have her cell #...lets not think about that. So I ended up staying at the TRL longer than I had intended and I got a lot of research done (sorta) + some hwk. And yeah eventually, the lab got picked up.

And the morals of this story are:
1. don't be careless
2. get the cell phone number of everyone you ever talk to

I think I need a lot of help w/ #1

greatness and grace

2005-11-23T01:33:00.000-05:00

so I can think of 3 songs
psalm 24:4.
Give us clean hands
Give us pure hearts
Let us not lift our souls to another

All of you is more than enough for all of me.

How great is our God.
+ all those David Crowder songs which are too numerous to name

Standing for hours in the cold outside waiting to get in. Trying to find seats. Going to the front. Praying with 2 strangers. Praising God. Yeah it was awesome. I wonder how much food I bought. And the One who direct and knows by name all the stars in this vast universe cares for me.

I overthink. But it was weird how everything blurred right after thing was over but then. (yes, I know about it) I was taking the bus home after midnight and there was this guy in the bus who goes up to some other random guy and says, "If you were to die today and...yeah, you know how it goes" I don't know. I guess I found it encouraging to see that and that just unblurred me. One day, really, I want to do something like that. And we do have an awesome God.

falling out

2005-11-19T18:43:00.000-05:00

aah, bio lab report's due mon. isp checkup sometime else, eng drama, math contest..doesn't count, chem isp rough copy upcoming, isp book reading/notes/log/journal, university applications, blah.

I guess there are people out there with a lot more to do. So I'll say this: have fun.

2005-11-01T23:59:00.000-05:00

two words: mosh pit

Hectic day.
So I stayed at school after "tutoring", played a bunch of online games, learned something from a gr 10 student =P. Then I had to use the Internet in the library to confirm where I was going and finally I went to the subway. And when I finally got out it was 6:30 and I was supposed to be in line already at that time. So I didn't know what ttc bus to take and I had to alternately jog, run, sprint to kool haus.

And I got there, met jerome/wellman who happened to be near the front. blah blah blah, got a hot dog, the doors finally opened. It was kinda tedious waiting for the first 3 bands [over it, rufio, MxPx] to finish playing. In over it, there wasn't interest and after the songs all you could hear was light applause but then yeah. Rufio blah. MxPx. took. so long to finish. I got so tired. And there was this high azn guy who was facing the wrong way and yelling dumb thing and igniting his lighter continuously and yeah.

Then finally, relient k. Yeah it was awesome, I don't remember the order but they played every song on MMHMM cept The Only Thing Worse Than Beating a Dead Horse Is Betting On One, My Girls Ex-Boyfriend, More Than Useless(ithink), Let It All Out, Maintain Consciousness, This Week the Trend, When I Go Down (whoa, that's kinda long). And the also played chap stick, chapped lips...., pink tux to the prom , I am Understood?, Pressing On, Sadie Hawkins, Failure to Excommunicate, Softer to Me unacoustic, and some weird song.
And there were so many transitions between songs I and forgot that I was tired..and hungry..and thirsty. Yeah moshing is weird =P. You get moved around so easily. So many crowd surfers eventually fell down somewhere near us...looked painful. I rmb something hit my head and in the next second some guy falls on the ground out of nowhere.

So I ended up buying a t-shirt, buttons, stickers, wristbands. And relient k is cool cuz they're Christian and they're not afraid to say it in their songs, and their music is good as well.

and I lost my voice temporarily cuz I don't often yell that much/ever. I hope I don't have hearing dmg haha..but it was worth it? yeah, i think i'm tired now.

2005-10-18T23:17:00.000-04:00

lets try something else.

connotation. a highly relevant word

Now is one of those many times when I can't formulate words.
Perhaps increasing my vocabulary would help but I re-think so many times that its not the words I choose that make a difference.
Maybe thats why I redefine words..or adapt them just to make them ambiguous. Maybe I'll blur after all but this I won't blur alone - for sure. And I still blur my words and I'm sure I know why.
I guess I love making it hard. Or its just me to do that. For now anyway.

excessive force

2005-09-28T18:19:00.000-04:00

[music] BoA - Shine We Are!

so I was trying to open a bag of coke candy but it wouldn't open..seriously, how annoying. So I guess I pulled harder.
Then half a second later the bag literally explodes in my face and coke candy goes flying everywhere while I'm left holding two [perfect] halves of the bag and I had to spend the next five minutes finding all of it.
I don't know why I'm posting when I have a Bible journal to rewrite.

stupid things.

2005-09-22T22:19:00.000-04:00

[music] Switchfoot - Twenty-Four

1. It turns out that this morning I dropped my cell outside and only half realized it.
2. I lost an envelope w/ money in it -_-.
3. I lost my Hillsong CD...
4. I got my left pinky stuck inside the keychain (see following pic) past the second joint while watching one piece haha.

...but I ended up finding/getting back everything I lost and after much struggling, freeing my finger...it hurts a bit now. And now I've decided to stop being careless/stupid =P. Not like that is gonna change anything.

hopelessly reliant.

2005-09-17T00:28:00.000-04:00

Recently unblurred relient k song. I've never been the type to post lyrics but...

Relient K - Getting Into You
when i made up my mind
and my heart along with that
to live not for myself
but yet for God
somebody said
"do you know what you are getting yourself into?"

when i finally ironed out
all of my priorities
and asked God to remove the doubt
that makes me so unsure of these
things i ask myself
i ask myself
"do you know what you are getting yourself into?"

i'm getting into you
because you got to me
in a way words can't describe
i'm getting into you
because i've got to be
you're essential to survive
i'm going to love you with my life

when he looked at me and said
"i kind of view you as a son"
and for one second our eyes met
and i met that with the question
"do you know what you are getting yourself into?"

i'm getting into you
because you got to me
in a way words can't describe
i'm getting into you
because i've got to be
you're essential to survive
i'm going to love you with my life

i've been a liar and i'll never amount to
the kind of person you deserve to worship you
you say you will not dwell on what i did
but rather what i do you say
"i love you and that's what you are getting yourself into"

i'm getting into you (getting into you)
because you got to me (because you got to me)
in a way words can't describe
i'm getting into you (getting into you)
because i've got to be (because i've got to be)
you're essential to survive
i'm going to love you with my life
x2

you said "i love you and that's what you are getting yourself into"

(Congrats on reading this far =P)

printer conspiracies

2005-09-13T19:41:00.000-04:00

[music] Death Cab for Cutie - A Lack of Color

So on Sun. I got a new all in one printer w/ fax blah balh blah. I kinda needed a new one cuz every printer or w/e I get eventually ends up dying so this time I got an extended warranty. It has everything I'd ever want w/ a document feeder and green scanning light..which I've never seen before.
So I was installing it and it was getting late so I left it. Then later in the night I came back and it was doing something...and prob trying to waste my ink. Maybe turning if off will help if it doesn't turn itself back on. But then again that would be a stupid conspiracy..just to waste ink.

Maybe I should get more sleep.

reflection

2005-09-10T18:49:00.000-04:00

[music] Hillsong United - There is Nothing Like

k, here we go. School's started for a week and things have started to get settled. I guess I want this year to be different somehow instead of letting it drag past. Its my last year here and..well..its like having one more time to do it right although the other part of me thinks that since its the last year it wouldn't really matter much. When you really think about it, this year's kinda short. Gr 12's have til dec or whenever to get everything set and apply to universities. So for a change I've decided to pour what I can into this year instead of thinking so much and doing so little.

.

2005-09-06T22:43:00.000-04:00

oh yeah...blog. I'll really update sometime.
Wow. ECO C61 is REALLY annoying.

combos and skittles?

2005-07-04T23:19:00.000-04:00

[mood] word.
[music] ZONE - True Blue (again)

Earlier today I was trying to write a supplementary plane letter (since some people aren't satisfied) and I couldn't think of anything to say then I thought post today but now after I finished the plane letter I forgot what I was gonna post so now I'm trying to rmb.

About mosquito bites again. My mosquito bites have stoppped being annoying but I now I have mosquito bite scars on my arm? These better disappear and now I learned never to irritate mosquito bites even though they're annoying. Its too bad I'm going back on Friday except for a longer period of time I think. I know there are those mosquito repellent things. There's the OFF spray one which feels sticky. There also are those high frequency sound devices. First, I'm not sure if they really work and second, I can't sleep with that thing on. I guess I'll have to bring 白花油 (if ur comp isn't chinese you see boxes la) for all those insects bites..I hope it works.

About candy again. It wasn't normal candy. Its those 25 cent candy dispenser stuff cept the one at empress costs $2 and u get more candy and u can put it in a paper bag and I bought $4 worth. The cotton candy one looks good but tastes bad. lifesavers and maltesers are cooler

And about "section leader". Watch me quit orchestra next year =P. Its not like I have much of a choice.

cottages and batman

2005-06-29T16:54:00.000-04:00

[mood] lethargic

So yesterday and the day before and part of the day before I got invited to some some cottage thing in Muskoka near a lake. I guess it was interesting though I didn't have a lot to do and it was really hot there as well. The lake was quite clear and there were a lot of other cottages there too.
And now about insects. Its not that I'm freaked out by insects, its just that they're annoying and I'm not touching them and they better not touch me. I got a bunch of mosquito bites on my right arm mostly and one mosquito was in the middle of biting me when I saw it. Then I started to get a "there's an insect on me" feeling when nothing was there. But as I said..annoying

And about summer, lets see, 2 months left and yeah. I should get started on stuff. Watched batman begins today and met unexpected people too and wasted money on games and bad candy. I guess the movie was sorta ok but I don't prefer dark movies where most of the action is at night and when the plot is semi-predictable but I was the one who chose to watch it. Anyway, maybe my thoughts will become coherent in my next post.

last day

2005-05-31T19:02:00.000-04:00

[mood] hungry
[music] Mika Nakashima - Find the Way

lalala. and some of u should know where this song is from =P. So today's the last regular day of school and btw. to someone reading [its gonna be ok haha =P]. This time is the year is kinda stressful w/ exams and w/e but I guess the hardest part is because its the end of the year and some people aren't coming back next year. That's a main reason why I don't like growing up. hm...now to study for exams

mission wrapup

2005-05-17T18:50:00.000-04:00

[mood] cheerful
[music] Akatsuki no Kuruma - Fiction Junction featuring YUUKA

ok new plan, I'll just go over the highlights i rmb. Everythings getting so busy now.
Memorable events...
singing on the bus haha. I have no idea how Fidelis people look at the music and just sing it...or maybe they just sing by ear or from memory and just pretend to be looking at it =P

having peter (gr 10 guy) in our room for 2 nights i think and wondering how fun it was for him being stuck w/ a bunch of gr 11's he didn't know. hmm...yeah. and he actually worked while we were there XD

having an increasing number of gr 9's then a bunch of other grade people calling me section leader for (almost) no reason -_-.

shopping spree in a grocery store which is sooo much cheaper than the tourist shops by like...a lot

tours of huge buildings with a lot of gold [plating] and seeing the preserved right hand a long-dead saint. (or a picture of it anyway)

restaurant lag and mixup so i got a more expensive meal..i think i forgot the name again

During sharing time one night Chan called me to the front to share when I was really tired one nite haha..its all good anyway. I got untired in like 2 seconds.

exploring one of the hotels we stayed had which was huge and had floors, subfloors, w/e u want

getting to know interesting pca people. Worship was amazing too.. Indescribable =P I like "Still" too..

oh, this list is getting kinda long and yeah. It was amazing to see how God works in other places around the world too. Romanians are cool haha. Then we got challenged by the 'sermon' stuff that Mr. Bridle gave. Then there was the guy at Dachau who talked to us mmhmm. And God IS amazing and He can use us in any way and He knows exactly what we need and provides it and wow. There's nothing more to be said.

Days one to four

2005-05-08T19:09:00.000-04:00

I guess I was wrong about having these journals ready cuz they're so long. These journals don't really say everything that happened but they include a bunch of stuff

4/23/05
Today I woke up a bit late and wasted time on the comp doing stuff cuz I thought I was mostly ready for the trip. My dad kept telling me to get prepped and I was a bit annoyed. So during the last hour I went back to getting ready and realized how much stuff I didn’t have done. My dad is going on a trip to England while I’m on the missions trip so we had to call a taxi. The taxi came early and I was running around trying to make sure I had everything and yeah, I set myself up for that. Finally we went into the taxi and after making sure I brought my passport and stuff my mind went blank in the taxi and I got really bored on the trip to airport. Then after we arrived I realized that I forgot my violin at home -_-;. how me. My dad left his luggage with me and for the next 1.5 hours I was majorly stressed. I borrowed 3 quarters to call his cell and that annoying cell either wasn’t working or he didn’t pick it up and I got an answering machine 3 times. Finally I borrowed a cell of some korean guy (I think) who was there to say bye to someone…and when I called him, my dad was 10 metres from me and relief flooded through me and yeah, I guess he was right when he told me told get prepared. What a perfect way to start out the trip.

4/24/05
blah. We had a plane trip with two segments - first to Frankfurt, Germany then to Budapest, Hungary. It was kinda cramped and I got to sit with two people I don’t really talk to and I didn’t talk much with them on the plane. We got some food and a bunch of drinks and got to watch Spanglish but it didn’t really have a plot that went anywhere. It was hard to listen through the headphones too but w/e. We arrived at the airport, immigration blah blah then finally got on the coaches. We had two travelling groups — groups 2 to 7 and groups 1 and 8 who arrived later. 5 and 6 had to wait for 1 and 8 to arrive so the rest of us got driven in the coach to Oradea, Hungary. We ate lunch on the way, dinner at the hotel, then waited for the other bus, and waited. It turns out that the trailer part that attaches to the bus broke and stuff so it was pretty late when they got to the hotel and so we’re in pairs and Chan is my roommate and stuff and there’s mass exhaustion after the 30 hour travelling period.

4/25/05
Woke up in a real bed. Breakfast was weird. Eggs, bread, sausages but we couldn’t drink the orange mix thing because it was made from tap water so I had to drink tea. I think I chose strawberry. We went to a Romanian school called the 'Arts Academy' according to our schedule anyway. We all sat in a room to watch some of their students perform for us and yeah, they were really good. Then weirdly we made a presentation of instruments to the school. I dun rmb ever hearing about instruments and stuff we were going to present but I guess I'm just clueless. After this we interacted with the people and got snacks. Everyone started talking w/ the people and I was like...oh..what would I have to say to them? I guess I didn't talk much but I talked a bit to 2 girls called Florina and word [meaning i forgot]. It was cool cuz some pca students were playing basketball or soccer w/ the romanian students. We got pwned @ soccer by younger students haha. I guess its almost a good thing I didn't play but I took pics. We had to leave to go to the 'Philharmonica State Hall' for our first and biggest performance.-_-; It wasn't superbig but it was big--and held a lot more people than I thought it could. Setup and stuff and playing and we messed up in In Virtute Tua; I think the piano started early so we tried to keep it together for the rest of the song and yeah. haha? oh well. Fidelis sang their national anthem, Christian did his violin thing which they liked a lot [Go Christian =P] and we managed to live but the best part was after the concert. I’m not exactly how it happened but there was this Romanian guy playing worship songs on the piano on one side were Romanian students from the arts school and pca students on the other side and they were both singing the same worship songs in different languages to God. So yeah, that was cool but eventually we had to leave and we also saw some street outreach thing before going to the hotel. Oh yeah, we also got the convert euros to Romanian lei.

4/26/05
Bear caves tour today and it was very rainy but I forgot my umbrella and water was dripping through the cave roof...mmhmm. There were stalactites, stalagmites, and columns everywhere. We listened to the cave guide but sometimes it was hard to hear the translator. The rock formations take a really long time to form so that was a unique experience. We went outside and people were selling souvenirs and food. I wanted to try one of the Romanian food things but they didn’t have any change so I didn’t buy any. =P There was Concert today at a church/high school. Orchestra arrangement was weird and I was on the edge meaning my sound wasn't shielded by other people and every mistake I made was kinda easy to hear, lol. During the performance Terry Bridle talked both to the audience/congregation and to us about faith. His ‘sermon’ was about Lazarus and how Mary and Martha had faith that Jesus could heal their brother but that was the extent of their faith and when Lazarus died they thought nothing could be done. Then Mr. Bridle said that when Jesus wept, he wept not because Lazarus had died but because the people had little faith in Him and yeah, you know how the story goes. So we were challenged to ask God to increase our faith and to have faith in God for everything. I guess that’s prob a challenge for me cuz my mind tells me that yeah it’s not that hard but when it comes down to it, its kinda hard to have faith. But anyway, afterwards we got to mingle w/ the people and while I was walking this Romanian student stopped me. I guess I should have been to one to initiate the conversation -_- but it wasn’t. He had a really cool name—Tavi, short for Octavian haha and there was this guy called Adrian w/ him who didn’t talk much and yeah we got to talk them Melody and Toria came which was a good thing cuz I can’t sustain a con. w/ someone I don’t really know. So I asked Tavi if he listened to Relient K and when it said yes it was like…SWEET haha. Then yeah, he asked me if I knew of Kutless and Falling Up and yeah I do. Very, VERY fun. I dun regret doing this even though I could haf used the time to access the internet instead. So we ended up getting emails but either melody or victoria has the sheet -_- [And so much stuff happened today w/ me and pca people but that would take up way too much space. =P]

back from mission trip

2005-05-05T20:32:00.000-04:00

wow. God, You're amazing. Noone else could do something like this. Even with all the screw-ups and everything You made it all work.

And yeah, we're back from the mission trip and i'm exhausted. Right now its 2:34 am Europe time and jet lag isn't fun but its my excuse not to go to school tom haha...and to skip bio. But really, I heard the retreat was really good too and I wanna see what its done. So I got to talk to a lot of people this trip and w/ students from the countries we visited and so much happened. Tomorrow I'll just post my journal stuff for the trip. Yesterday Mrs. Aug talked about how we should treasure these moments so that later on we can look back on them and reflect about what God has done so I guess that's one of my goals now and now I'll quit before I get too tired to think.

2005-04-07T19:55:00.000-04:00

[music] Dolce Triade - Lost Friend

wow. this year is so far gone already and now the mission trip is coming soon. I rmb thinking how far away the mission trip was but now its just in a bit over 2 weeks. Somehow, I'm not sure if we're prepared. I guess the performance next week Fri will help in preparing us. [Willowdale Baptist Church. 15 olive street @7pm btw] There's so much that still needs to be done and it kinda seems overwhelming. Our small group has been having some difficulty actually meeting and at max. there was one meeting where everyone showed up--and i'm not sure if all of us came. So that's sometimes else we need to work on. Some of us have to carry stuff to Europe and I have to take care of a snare drum. hmm. still need to sleep earlier.

Spiritually, I'm not sure if I'm prepared. I don't think I have any conflict with anyone going but my relationship w/ God..I guess I don't really take time to do devos. Yeah, I do devos too w/ my dad but thats sorta dif. That has became too much of a habit after so long and most of the time I go through that without really thinking about it. Those times, I just pray for the sake of praying instead of praying to God. Then later on I pray alone then its dif.? So I guess that's a double thing. There's more to that but I can't think through it right now. But even personal devo's are hard to do now. And when I don't go to the Source, its impossible to be renewed every day. but that changes today

PS. Happy b-day curt + kim.

cure the catch

2005-03-26T17:15:00.000-05:00

[mood] mellow?

and I don't know why I'm posting this
On the TTC, there's been an ad which says "cure the catch" but doesn't give any company info except a website-curethecatch.ca When u go the website there's a self-diagnostic quiz to see if you have this 'disease'. But it turns out that cure the catch was part of an ongoing ad for virgin mobile, some cellphone service company. There's a new ad now, at least on ytv which actually introduces the 'cure' but its just dumb. -_-; I'm def. not gonna have a job like that.

2005-03-18T01:59:00.000-05:00

[mood] ...
[music] Dolce Triade - Fleet of Littleships

So there was a hotpot today and I couldn't go. Thats like the third thing this march break my parents wouldn't let me go to. The dif is that this time it was my fault so I can't really complain. But still, it gets really annoying. Yeah, I know they really care and its not like i don't appreciate it but sometimes it feels like I'm stuck and can't do anything. So when I get a guardian I don't know if that will change. I guess it may. Most of me doesn't want to be separated from my family but there's still a part that prob does in a way. When I first heard of the idea, I didn't really want it to happen. I guess now its just a matter of time. My mom and brother already left and my dad's still here and he's going during summer if the plan still works. At least I can still go somewhere tomorrow.

I guess I'm starting to cram work. Chem and English and probably others. I get distracted from work so easily. I've been trying to concentrate on it since monday but its not working well. I guess I got some chem done and a bit of english research and everything else I have to finish soon. There's also a lot of tidying up to do. Without my mom here, its kinda hard to get motivated to clean up. And I really should stop sleeping too late.

.

2005-03-09T23:18:00.000-05:00

sometimes words aren't enough..so u pray

l2o

2005-03-04T21:11:00.000-05:00

[ mood exhausted]

For the last week, I've been running on adrenaline finishing all the work for school. There was bio hot dog assignment, chem prelab, eng macbeth essay, macbeth drama, accounting isp financial statments, Islam quiz which got cancelled, physics test and sap which i just finished today. I don't remember the last time I felt this stressed and now I feel totally drained..sort of. And now here comes March break where I can actually stop for a while, after finishing stuff due later of course. I know how these holidays are gonna turn and nothing can change it...almost nothing

TTC

2005-02-23T20:36:00.000-05:00

Learned a lot today..

It started after school. I found out that i had mission practice til 7 after orchestra and I wasted three quarters trying to phone my dad to tell him but he didn't pick up at home or on the cell. I went to orchestra then came out and he wasn't at school yet. I phoned him and still didn't get through so I went to the missions training meeting.

20 min. later I came out and he was there. He couldn't pick me up at 7 so I would have to take the TTC home. I brought my stuff and to the car so I wouldn't have to carry with me. He couldn't find his cell I gave him mine just in case w/e. Later I remembered that my keys were in my bag so I phoned my cell using the wrong area code and got some random person. The second time it worked but I couldn't get my keys directly so I would have to go to my grandma near where i live to pick them up.

At 7 I took the TTC, paid the adult fare cuz I didn't have change to pay $1.50, went to Don Mills and found out that bus ends at 7 so I ended up taking 2 buses which I've never taken before, and getting off 2 stops early. I finally got home at 8:20. At least all the walking prob made me 1 lb less fat.

haircut

2005-02-19T18:33:00.000-05:00

Today I went and got a random barber to cut my hair...bad decision. She took the electric hair shaver thing then went over my entire head with it. It must have been on the .3 cm setting or sumthing. Fastest haircut ever. Now my hair's like perfectly round and .3 cm long. and felt cold when i went outside. I have so much stuff to do so it doesn't matter much but still..w/e. At least it'll grow back.

school stuff to do: sap isp, hot dog analysis, macbeth essay
For sap I was looking through the pics and they looked so weird. I remember some of the events and some of the places but most are sorta blank. And I wonder how I'm so different now. but whoa...I haf work to do now

[musik] B'z - Itsuka no Merry Christmas

mission reflection

2005-02-12T22:17:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was the Europe mission trip banquet. At first I had no idea what to do or what to wear then we had the meeting in the auditorium to explain the jobs. I was on setup and needed black clothes which I left at home so my dad had to go get them =P. The plan was for the setup team to arrange all the tables, chairs, etc. then wait for the next three hours in the french room while everyone was eating...except noone actually waited there. I did a lot of wandering and went to the convenience store to buy stuff. More people came to the banquet than i expected--I think about 340 in total. Its cool to see how people really care about this mission trip and what our purpose is.

Two years ago, we went to Halifax for our music tour but we didn't raise funds and didn't call it a "mission trip" but this year, we're going to Europe to perform and we're calling it a mission trip and getting the entire school involved in it and raising support for it. First of all, no matter what we're doing, this Europe trip has to be all for God or nothing will really be accomplished. Our purpose is to minister wherever we go if its a church, performance hall or school in Europe and to share what God has done for us. We're going there to share the Gospel with whoever is there to listen, thats why we went over the five points of sharing your faith. Halifax wasn't like this. If I remember right, some people will be sharing testimonies and perhaps our performance in the church will make people more open to this type of environment.

We're not planning to go knocking door to door and ask if people want to become Christians. I guess we're performing under the heading of Peoples Christian Academy and letting people know who we are. We're just doing our best and God will use us for His purpose if we're willing to let Him. So I'll just do what I can and leave the rest with Him

when I go down

2005-02-04T11:03:00.000-05:00

When I Go Down - Relient K

I'll tell you flat out
It hurts so much to think of this
So from my thoughts I will exclude
The very thing that
I hate more than anything is
The way I'm powerless
To dictate my own moods

I've thrown away
So many things that could've been much more
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works

When I go down
I go down hard
And I take everything I've learned
And teach myself some disregard
When I go down
It hurts to hit the bottom
And of the things that got me there
I think, only if I had fought them

If and when I can
Clear myself of this clouded mind
I'll watch myself settle down
Into a place where
Peace can search me out and find
That I'm ready to be found

I've thrown away
The hope I had in friendships
I've thrown away
So many things that could have been much more
I've thrown away
The secret to find the end of this
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not that way it works

Any control I thought I had just slipped through my hands
While my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands me
Reprimands me
Then and there
I confess
I'll blame all this on my selfishness
Yet you love me
And that consumes me
And I'll stand up again
And do so willingly

You give me hope, and hope it gives me life
You touch my heavy heart, and when you do you make it light
As I exhale I hear your voice
And I answer you, though I hardly make a noise
And from my lips the words I choose to say
Seem pathetic, but it's a fallen man's praise
Because I love you
Oh God, I love you
And life is now worth living
If only because of you
And when they say I'm dead and gone
It won't be further from the truth

When I go down
I lift my eyes to you
I won't look very far
Cause you'll be there
With open arms
To lift me up again
To lift me up again

d. group

2005-01-31T20:04:00.000-05:00

Today I have a lot of work to do. I'm starting to get busy with mission trip prep and isps. English reading notes due tomorrow and I dun know how exactly they're supposed to be dun. SAP ideal school proposal is due tom. too but it shouldn't take long to do but I haf no clu what to do for the ISP. I haven't burned any MD's for a while cuz this comp doesn't haf sonicstage so i'm installing it now.

Discipleship group is tomorrow too so I have to get a lunch to bring sumhow. I'm working on the handout rite now and for sum reason, the 'theoretical' q's first becuz they're the easiest but I get tired of just doing that kind of stuff. The other q's take a lot of thought and I can't answer some of them because those are the real questions that relate to life. Its a lot harder to say what you will do to improve instead of what you could do. I'm here to make life real instead of drifting and I know I can't make it on my own.

[musik] The Dream Within - Lara Fabian
[mood] level 2 override

lost and found

2005-01-27T11:38:00.000-05:00

List of things I have recently lost:

Graphing Calculator
Mission Fundraising Dinner Tickets
USB key
lens for my glasses
pen
bunch of orchestra music

List of things I have recently found:

Graphing Calculator
Mussion Fundraising Dinner Tickets
USB key
bunch of orchestra music

I always lose stuff...

[musik] True Blue - Zone
[mood] reflecting

2005-01-23T19:58:00.000-05:00

Bought a 4x4x4 cube today and I was staring @ it without the willpower to mess it up because I know that I'll never see it fixed again. Also bought The Vile Village and finished reading it so I guess I'll need to go buy the next one now. Exams are over and now school begins and I haf to find myself under all this work that I haven't done. Music practice tom. morning at w/e time and I have to practice a lot for orchestra because my tuning skills are messing up. I also need to sell my mission banquet tickets. I really should start sleeping earlier too...

btw...happy b-day vw =P, ur so old and you know what that means.

[musik] Rakuen - Do As Infinity
[mood] refocusing

生日快樂

2005-01-13T11:53:00.000-05:00

happy b-day me.
Pulled through w/ Him for another year but the best is still waiting.

alway

2005-01-11T23:04:00.000-05:00

new fav. word: alway
no clu y but doesn't it sound nicer?

I will be here waiting, alway.

I left my CD in my locker yesterday. Its Undivided by Upper Room - the band Mrs. Lorimer plays for. Its realli good...better than the orchestra/Fidelis CD i guess =P. but anyway. I think I lost my USB key again which isn't good except now I'm not sure if its @ home.

[musik] Lord I Want to Live the Life - Upper Room
[mood] starting to get stressed

b-day in 2

ow

2005-01-10T22:29:00.000-05:00

Have you ever sneezed then hiccuped rite after? It HURTS...esp when it happens three times in a row. My mom and bro were leaving today so I was supposed to take the bus home while they went to the airport but I "forgot" my keys or just didn't think about them so my dad had to drop them off @ skool. On the way to the subway my MD player wasn't working and I thought I messed it up cuz i dropped it like 3 times before w/out the case on but sumhow the battery got drained. I think I forgot how to solve the cube now since it took so long to do on the bus. So I came home to choke on peaches when eating too fast. There's a bunch of ISP's I still need to do and exams to study for. SAP exam today was ok..sorta. Its hard to study for that kind of stuff and I haf no idea how it gets marked and as usual i died on math.

I seriously need to start reading the Bible earlier in the day cuz that would actually help more. Been reading since summer after gr. 8 when mrs. slobo (what's her name name now? Lyndstrom or sumthing like dat...took 5 min to think about it) had us say what we wanted prayer for over the summer. That was like...2.6 years ago? kinda long for a book. But I just can't decide to read through the Bible in a week or w/e it would take if it was another book cuz then I wouldn't get much out of it. Then again, sumtimes I read cuz I feel I haf to and end up reading quite slowly So I'm on 1 John 2 now.

This post is starting to get kinda long which isn't my style because I usually can't think of anything but yeah. Its kinda weird and annoying to be human and for this reason I dun like fingerprints because...iunno (lol. curt) I guess it makes me traceable? So I study all this stuff in bio class and its all good when its paper and theory and textbook but its so weird when it applies to me which i dun like. But anyway, got sum levelling up to do on rose. Hope there aren't any spellin mistakes on this

[musik] Gone - Switchfoot
[mood] awake

b-day in 3

.

2005-01-09T17:34:00.000-05:00

I am soooooooo influenced by people..its insane. But i'm still there somewhere

b-day in 4

[musik] Melodies of Life - Emiko Shiratori
[mood] spinning